Men blame the recession for not putting a ring on it

money marriage

Only a newlywed stimulus package can save America's sinful youth.

Commitment-phobe men can rejoice! You now have the shitty economy excuse to put off marriage until further notice.

2009 marked the first time in a century that the number of young adults who never married surpassed the number who were married. The Times reports that “a long-term decline in marriage accelerated during the severe recession, according to new data from the Census Bureau, with more couples postponing marriage and often choosing to cohabit without tying the knot.”

That would make sense, given the 468 other ways the recession has ruined your love life. (Not including recent additions like how to hide your inner cheapass on a date, the false illusion of a trophy househusband, and why the recession is the best form of birth control.)

And the experts agree that the pressure of establishing your career in this economy is leading to fewer walks down the aisle:

“People are unsure about their job security, and a lot of people lost their jobs,” said Mark Mather of the Population Reference Bureau, a private research group that analyzed census figures. “Getting married is obviously a big step and if you’re not comfortable about your future, it makes sense that you’d postpone a big decision like this.”

Not to mention being able to afford the ring, the wedding, the house, and the kids that supposedly come with matrimony. Though if we’re talking strictly economic benefits, marriage offers tax incentives that couples who live together don’t have, and the option of shared health insurance which would certainly come in handy, if say, one of you was unemployed.

Maybe that’s why one expert interviewed by the Times has his doubts about this convenient excuse.

Joel Greiner, 31, director of counseling for the Journey, an interdenominational church in the St. Louis area, said about a third of the couples in his congregation who attend premarital classes live together before marriage, telling him they are “testing out the waters to see if it will work and wanting to save money.”

But Mr. Greiner says the talk of economics may be cloaking the primary issue. “It’s more a fear of intimacy and fear of marriage,” he said.

Hear that, sneaky noncommittal menfolk? All you need to avoid the dreaded lifelong commitment is losing your job!

PS: If the heteros would rather live in sin, maybe we should try giving gay marriage a shot? I imagine these statistics could be easily remedied with legalizing gay marriage (not to mention the boost all those new ceremonies would give the economy). Just think of all the decorations involved!


4 thoughts on “Men blame the recession for not putting a ring on it

  1. I once tried to play devil’s advocate and argue against gay marriage, but in all honesty I don’t think there is really any good, honest argument against it. You pretty much either have to admit you’re a homophobe or be for it, it seems to kind of come down to that.

    We are a total lost generation. It makes sense that people who can’t even be stable and support themselves adequately aren’t getting together and dragging somebody else into a bigger mess with them. Our generation will forego marriage, be unable to purchase a home, and in general miss out on many of the life milestones the previous generations got to enjoy.

    All because of the unchecked and insane greed of the banks, corporations and politicians. If only we had elected Ross Perot, he said this would happen if we just outsourced everything. Pretty obvious, but he was the only one that wanted to do anything about it.

  2. hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaah,,,,you can scream as much as you want to honey. The fact remains that men are boycotting marriage and commitment. I am so happy that this has gone nationwide. Men have had enough of american women f**king up society. We don’t have to explain. We don’t have to answer any questions. American women will never get it. Best thing for men to do is date foreign women and move to their country. Sound crazy? I don’t think so. I already have many friends(tech dudes) who are dating asian women, and some are actually moving there. As they move there, america loses talent in the tech area.

    So, invest in cat food, go to thousands of book discussions, go to spas, go to your hate-men groups while your supply of men continues to dwindle,,,,,,, But hey, there is always the ever popular Gloria Alred encounters and lesbo conventions. I’m going to asia to vist my 20 gf’s. They better have food on the table when I get there,,,,or else.

  3. Pingback: Economy fulfills every mother’s dream and forces kids, grandkids to move back home « Ivy Leagued and Unemployed

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