Better start stocking up on your groceries now

grocery shopping

Soon food will be so expensive that you'll be able to buy a house with approximately 587 lemons.

You know how sometimes when you contemplate the world ending, you think about how you’ll be able to run to the stores before everyone else and start buying random food items in bulk you’d never actually eat unless zombies attacked your city and you really couldn’t leave your apartment again? Well, its sorta like that now. Continue reading

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Even Celine Dion is not immune from the recession’s grasp

celine dion world tour

Celine Dion is returning to Las Vegas with a mod tribute to Old Hollywood, complete with a 31-person orchestra. But Las Vegas went through a brutal recession after she left in 2007 and is recovering from the crash. Gone are the Cirque du Soleil-style theatrics that saw Dion harnessed to a cable and flown in the air during her first show at Caesars. Instead, she will sing her hits and other unexpected tunes. [BusinessWeek

Having no job is apparently not as bad as having a really shitty one

miserable at work

I can think of one man who would make the perfect example for this theory.

In today’s somewhat but barely uplifting news, a recent study of over 7000 Australian people showed that a “badly paid, poorly supported, or short term” job can be as bad, if not worse, than being unemployed.

This may seem self-explanatory, but to anyone who’s ever known the feeling of being on your last box of pasta and really struggling to remember what it’s like to wear normal clothes or have conversations with people that aren’t deliveryman, it’s worth a reminder that, like in love, you shouldn’t settle for a job that just isn’t that into you. Continue reading

In recession, hiring is like an exhausting search for “the one”

will you marry me

Will you take me to be your lawful employer to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until a better salary do us part?

You would think that having legions of overqualified, unemployed overachievers would make filling a job that much easier. Not so, says the Wall Street Journal. Apparently, hiring managers have become a tad greedy, what with all the thousands of sad resumes pouring in smelling of sweat and desperation, screaming “GET ME OUT OF MY PARENTS’ BASEMENT.” In fact, some companies are taking four times as long to fill their positions, because they’re “holding out for better candidates.” Continue reading

Why the new 8.9% unemployment rate is a big fat lie

pinocchio

At this rate, the economy will never become a real, live boy.

“People think unemployment is going down, but if it’s just because people are giving up, it’s a little misleading,” says Marisa Di Natale of Moody’s Analytics, an economic research firm. “Over the past few months in particular, much of the decline in the unemployment rate is because the labor force has declined so rapidly.” [NPR]

One in seven Americans live below the poverty line

scream painting

A weekly round-up of hopeless economy news. Time to get psyched!

  • The percentage of Americans struggling below the poverty line in 2009 was the highest it has been in 15 years, the Census Bureau reported. With the country in its worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, four million additional Americans found themselves in poverty in 2009, with the total reaching 44 million, or one in seven residents. [NYT] Continue reading

Avoid these schools unless you have at least $400 million in the bank

student loan debt

This poor kid isn't trying to do his elementary math homework with the help of the cash in his mom's wallet: he's trying to figure out how many years of fake photos he'll have to pose in to pay for one semester of college.

The Washington Post Company released some sobering stats about how expensive an education has become. The Chronicle of Education released a similar report last year that showed university prices steadily growing. This is particularly depressing given that, as you can see, a college degree (even one that can provoke impressed oohs and aahs) isn’t really worth that much anymore. And yet, the number of kids taking out loans has been the highest in nine years.

So you can take your US News & World statistics and shove it. In a far more useful ranking system, Gawker crunched their numbers and revealed the top ten universities that will land you in the highest student debt. See the schools to avoid, no matter how awesome their lavish cafeterias are supposed to be, after the jump: Continue reading

All the bedridden unemployed can rejoice!

hurray

This is the first time this man has almost left his chair in months.

Thanks to Carte P. Goodwin, the new Democratic senator from West Virginia to replace the late Robert C. Byrd, the Senate heeded Paul Krugman‘s and a gazillion other economists‘ advice and voted 60 to 40 to extend unemployment for millions of Americans who have been out of work for six months or more.

Though Goodwin didn’t win himself any playdates with his fellow Republicans, he can at least count on a drink with Republican maverick kick-ass free-thinking senators Susan Collins and Olympia J. Snowe of Maine.

The Republicans can now drown their sorrows over the ballooning deficit with unemployed people around the country finally getting out of the house and buying themselves a congratulatory drink — though only if it’s half-off during happy hour.

New York Times to College Grads: Your Future Is Bleak

graduation

These fools are only throwing their caps because they haven't read the newspaper yet.

For those of you looking forward to celebrating your new shiny diploma, the New York Times suggests you may want to try selling it for food instead. Continue reading

The recession has everyone walking around with a raincloud over their heads

scream painting

A weekly round-up of hopeless economy news. Get psyched!

  • During the 2007-9 downturn, more people thought their own financial situation was going to get worse than thought it would improve. In April, about one person in 10 expected his or her family’s income to improve, while about one in six expected family income to go down. [NYT] Continue reading

The Fed keeps its rates low, while teens join the struggle to find jobs and unemployed women sell their engagement rings

scream painting

A weekly round-up of hopeless economy news.

  • The Federal Reserve left its benchmark interest rate near zero on Tuesday, affirming its view that job growth and other economic indicators remained weak as the United States slowly pulls itself out of recession. [NYT] Continue reading

Dow dropping below 10,000 wreaks psychological havoc

stock market bull

This stock market bull doesn't look so scary anymore, does it? (Symbolically anyway...)

The NYT reports that the dow’s fall to 9,908.39 — its lowest level in three months — has delivered a “psychological setback as investors braced for more market volatility.”

The fall of the “closely watched barometer of the economy’s health” was attributed to fears over Europe’s debt crisis. And now that the holy number of 10K has been disrupted, shit is expected to fly. Continue reading

JK! The economy’s still in the dumps

A weekly round-up of hopeless recession news.

  • We lost another 85,000 jobs in December, tempering hopes for a swift and sustained recovery from the Great Recession. The unemployment rate remains at 10 percent. [NYT] Continue reading

“Hey. Are you going to eat that?”

A weekly round-up of hopeless economy news.

  • The number of Americans who lacked reliable access to sufficient food shot up last year to its highest point since the government began surveying in 1995, the Agriculture Department reported. In its annual report on hunger, the department said that 17 million American households, or 14.6 percent of the total, “had difficulty putting enough food on the table at times during the year.” That was an increase from 13 million households, or 11.1 percent, the previous year. [NYT]
  • Early signs suggest the number of suicides in the U.S. crept up during the worst recession in decades, according to a Wall Street Journal survey of states that account for about 40% of the U.S. population. [WSJ]
  • A growing number of states reported rising jobless rates in October, and thirteen states reported unemployment rates above the national average of 10.2%, according to a government report released on Friday. [CNNMoney] Continue reading

Hear that employers? Obama wants you to hire us

Scream

People can smell the unemployed from a mile away.

A weekly round-up of hopeless economy news.

After the government announced growth at an annual rate of 3.5 percent from July through September yesterday, most people nary even winked an eyelash. Obama addressed the need to get those of us unemployed out of our jammies and into the workforce.

“The benchmark I use to measure the strength of our economy is not just whether our GDP is growing, but whether we are creating jobs, whether families are having an easier time paying their bills, whether our businesses are hiring and doing well,” Obama said.

  • The Labor Department’s most recent report on job openings and turnover showed a series-low level of 2.4 million job openings on the last business day in August, compared with roughly 15 million unemployed job seekers. [Us News]
  • There are about six unemployed Americans for every job opening. Home foreclosure-related filings—including default notices, foreclosure auctions, and bank repossessions—are on pace to reach about 3.5 million this year, up from more than 2.3 million last year. [BusinessWeek]
  • According to Department of Labor Statistics there is only one job for every six unemployed workers who are looking for work. [American Progress]
  • Workers in more than half of U.S. households will likely be unable to retire at 65 at the same lifestyle they enjoy today, a new study says. The Center for Retirement Research at Boston College says its latest analysis of household financial status shows 51 percent are at high risk of falling short of having enough money in retirement. That’s up from 44 percent in 2007. [AP via ABCNews]
  • Likewise, stagnant consumer demand and withering consumer confidence have left companies wary of hiring more employees — or, for that matter, taking any expensive risks. The jobless rate reached 9.8 percent in September, its highest rate in 26 years. [NYT]

Two recession-proof industries everyone should get behind

The combination of fast food with one of America's favorite pasttimes kind of makes me sick.

Do you think they do parties too?

Time reports that Halloween sales will reach a record-breaking $6 billion in 2009, up 4.2% from last year. And McDonalds has posted a nearly 6% gain in third-quarter profit and its shares rose 2% last week. Based on these stats alone, dressing like dead celebrity sluts and greasy fries always persevere.

I’ve never been prouder to be an American.

Also, I think my Halloween costume has been decided for me.