Economy forces men to prostitute themselves for money

gigolos showtime

Nothing says victim of the recession like "I can't show my eyes in the promotional photos."

In case your life seems miserable enough already, there’s a new Showtime reality show that will put things into perspective! The sex-selling network took HBO’s premise of Hung (a hot, well-endowed single dad sells his ginormous god-given gift to make a living in the recession — surely a story for our times!) and applied it to real people, Real-Housewives-style. Continue reading

Recession causes sex slump epidemic for British men

couch potato

Can't wait to get a piece of this action, eh ladies?

Stop the presses! Hold the mayo! Ring some sort of bell of the apocalypse!

Are you ready for this? Are you sure?

Okay, you’ve probably never read about anything like this ever before. So maybe sit down, grab a brewski, and exhale a few times. Continue reading

Men blame the recession for not putting a ring on it

money marriage

Only a newlywed stimulus package can save America's sinful youth.

Commitment-phobe men can rejoice! You now have the shitty economy excuse to put off marriage until further notice.

2009 marked the first time in a century that the number of young adults who never married surpassed the number who were married. The Times reports that “a long-term decline in marriage accelerated during the severe recession, according to new data from the Census Bureau, with more couples postponing marriage and often choosing to cohabit without tying the knot.”

That would make sense, given the 468 other ways the recession has ruined your love life. Continue reading

The recession is the best form of birth control

cute worried baby

Nom nom nom! What? Oh yes, the recession.

Grandparents and ovulating women over the age of 22, avert your eyes. Actually, you may want to sit down for this one.

The number of babies born in the United States dropped 2.6 percent last year, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. And nope, it’s not good old-fashioned women’s lib or those free condoms handed out on the subway that’s causing the decline.

“The birth rate is falling because of the Great Recession. When people are unsure of their financial future, they tend to postpone having children,” Andrew Cherlin, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University told CNN.

Nearly half of low- and middle-income women surveyed a year ago by the Guttmacher Institute said they wanted to delay pregnancy or limit the number of children they have because of money concerns, according to the Associated Press. Even more proof? The U.S. birth rate has been declining since the start of the economic downturn in late 2007.

This makes loads of sense. Diapers don’t come cheap. Neither does advanced squash for toddlers.

Your exciting new job opportunity awaits (hint: flexibility’s a plus)

stripper shoes

Job applicants should be fans of flattering men for money and pole dancing for exercise.

If, like millions of people in America, you find yourself out of a job, stripping might be a lucrative career for the young and nimble out there!

The first academic research project into lap dancing by Dr Teela Sanders and Kate Hardy from the University of Leeds discovered that most strippers had at least completed a further education course, while one in four had undergraduate degrees. This means that for many of the ladies working that pole, their profession was a conscious choice with a lack of better options, like for example, blogging.

Unemployed new graduates – mainly with arts degrees – were also dancing because they could not find graduate jobs and found that lap dancing paid much better than bar work. Continue reading

Wait, househusbands may not be the golden ticket young girls always dreamed of

prostitute

This is your unemployed hubby on his "job interview."

Earlier on this blog, we extolled the kickass scenario some lucky wives find themselves in: due to the recession, male breadwinners have become unemployed househusbands who take care of the kids, cook dinner for you, clean the apartment, and help you kick off your stilettos after a hard day of work.

But according to a recent study on infidelity, men who are financially dependent on their wives and live-in girlfriends are five times more likely to cheat than those who made the same amount of money.

Before you throw your pay stubs in your deadbeat husband’s face, you should remember that cheating is still a rare occurrence, the head researcher told NPR’s health blog. Continue reading

4 reasons why you should never sleep with the unemployed

jessica rabbit

Something tells me she is the antithesis of what you will find in the jobless dating pool.

A few weeks back, Nerve.com decided to get sex advice from the unemployed. I know it’s tough to keep those standards up when you can barely afford the drinks necessary to meet (and potentially sleep with) strangers, but I really can’t see how this was at all beneficial for those interviewed. Here are four things I gleaned from the piece about the sexual misadventures of the jobless.

1) The unemployed are so insecure about not having a job that you can’t even ask them what they do as a topic of conversation. Continue reading

Is the recession causing you to cling to your partner?

money marriage

All a marriage needs is flying wads of cash.

Money is an awkward thing in relationships, which is why it’s hard to believe anybody’s dating anybody in this economy. In fact, however, the opposite is true. The NYT reports that the recession has resulted in tighter bonds with your loved one (often whether you like it or not).

A spouse is more likely to depend on health care from a spouse, or on in-laws to help finance a mortgage or to assist with child care. And the ones who are hanging tight are retrenching and redeveloping an appreciation for time spent together.

All the more reason to listen to your elders and get married for the financial benefits! Continue reading

No one in the Ivy League is having sex

steve carell 40 year old virgin

Let 40-Year-Old Virgin be a lesson to you, smartypants.

Ok, so that’s a bit of an overstatement. But it turns out most Ivy Leaguers are not getting laid. Maybe this explains why we’re so much more frustrated than everyone else? I’m not sure how this translates to the job hunt, but if the Jonas Brothers are any indication, your V-Card is a really good way to stay focused in the face of success.

According to a Crimson survey of the class of 2009, in their four years at Harvard, 52 percent of the students had one or zero sexual partners, and only 28 percent had even one dating partner. […] “Go Ask Alice!”—Columbia University’s Dear Abby-equivalent—reports that the majority of polled college students also had zero or one sexual partners in a given year, while believing that their peers were having three times as much sex as they were. Other revealing statistics include that 31 percent of U.S. college women are still virgins at graduation and that college male sexual activity is down from 2.1 partners in 2001 to 1.6 partners in 2006. [The Crimson]

Sounds about right to me…(Thanks for the tip!)

Lengthy unemployment leads to lots more sex

I have those same exact tights...

Everyone knows that one of the benefits of being jobless is oodles of free time. So much free time that sometimes, after reading every blogpost on your GoogleReader and IMing all of your friends at work, you don’t even know what to do with yourself. Some people, though, have no trouble finding sexual creative endeavors with which to occupy their time.

UPI reports that lengthy unemployment increases “sexual appetite and risky sexual behavior” in young people.

Matthew J. Davis, a Texas A&M University doctoral student, looked at the responses from 2,362 participants ages 21-27 concerning their sexual behavior, including number of partners, frequency and use of contraceptives.

The study, published in the journal Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, showed people with higher rates of poverty were more likely to have sex more often with multiple partners and not utilize birth control and protection.

That unemployment leads to more sex makes sense on many levels (more free time, heightened sense of boredom, lower standards), but that it leads to risky sexual behavior is a bit more disappointing. Continue reading

Shamed bankers turn to illicit affairs to get their groove back

Maybe they just got confused because money is involved in both transactions.

As if cheating the citizens wasn’t bad enough, London Reuters reports that disgraced financiers are turning to another crime to help regain whatever wasn’t lost of their dignity.

IllicitEncounters.com said it has seen a huge increase in the number of financial workers signing up to have affairs after the collapse of the markets in October last year, and that “finance” continued to be one of the most represented professional areas on the site.

The website said in a statement that it has over 380,000 members across Britain of which more than 20,000 work in “financial services” and said it surveyed over 600 men and women bankers to compile a top 10 list of reasons why they embarked on extra-marital affairs.

Of course, the reasons for their improper behavior are pretty much the same as what led to the irresponsible mishandling of money in the first place: unchecked pride, raging testosterone, and childish bragging rights.

The list shows that public revulsion for bankers combined with a lack of affection in private was the top reason for having an affair, followed closely by the excitement of doing something risky, escaping boredom, feeding the ego and one-upping the boys with a trophy mistress.

No word on whether this holds true for Americans as well, but I bet Europe is proud that their bankers are so dedicated to remaining awful human beings. It takes courage to be such a long running joke.