Why I Have A Job: the history major who would rather be backpacking through Europe

He hopes his Columbia sweatshirt accrues value...just like his loans.

Name: Adam

Major: History

What I do all day: Edit and produce YESNetwork.com, SNY.tv, TigerWoods.com (I didn’t know, I swear!), and MLB.com, while writing a YES blog and doing Oscars commentary. Continue reading

Advertisements

Hire My Friend: the hispanic studies major who has no interest in those financial witchdoctor positions anyway

andrew2

Here, Andrew is waving hello to future employers.

Name: Andrew

Major: Hispanic Studies/Spanish

What I would’ve majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: Somehow it was never quite imparted upon me that it takes more than wit and good intentions to make a difference about anything you care about. Or find minimum wage employment. But that’s a general lesson – it’s not like I would have been competing for those precious financial witchdoctor positions anyway. They are laden with SIN.

Why I decided to waste $160K $200K on an Ivy League education: So I could spend four years being a thorn in the side of the administration while convincing my parents this was somehow part of the Russian immigrant narrative of social advancement to which they subscribed.

Current City of Residence: I live in South Philadelphia. For those unlettered in the charms of my city, its perks include being able to get a house with friends while paying in only $250/month.

Ideal City of Residence: As much as I like New York, I am glad to have the opportunity to experience life outside the megalopolis, and get some of my place-based Philly identity established, so I’m good here. But starting in March, I go away to Argentina to teach English for a year, so I will go with Salta, a small city in the northern provinces of the country.

Current job: I feared that my life had hit a new low when, out of many 30 places I had dropped off or sent resumes, the only one that got back to me was a noble establishment by the name of the International House of Pancakes. Dystopian visions of butterscotch pancakes flooded my mind. But since this time, I’ve landed a gig tutoring the son of the most famous Tibetan folk singer in the world (!) in the SAT in Brooklyn and a two week temp position doing administrative work at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (of Rocky fame).

Dream job: Speechwriter for Hugo Chavez. Failing that, Starbucks.

Resume claim to fame: I have been in the business of systematically removing anything that might stand out in my resume, to prevent myself from being viewed as “overqualified” for the menial retail positions I was applying for. But I got a prize for being the top student in the Spanish department!

Greatest achievement I don’t like to talk about on interviews: Mostly relationships to obscure public figures – I once got totally wasted with the former Bolivian Minister of Land Reform, I know Barack Obama’s second cousin, and my great-uncle is the vice-president of Kalmykia, a Buddhist-inspired dictatorship in southern Russia.

If you would like to hire Andrew, send us a pleading email.
If you would like to be featured in the weekly Hire My Friend column or know someone who would, holla.

Why I Have a Job: the physics major whose furry eyebrows got him a job

andriy

This is what Ivy League grads do best.

Name: Andriy

Major: Physics with math concentration

What I do all day: Consult

What I would rather be doing all day: Playing soccer, making out

Where I found this job: College career center

Why they hired me as opposed to hundreds of other overqualified Ivy league grads: Because they are trying to hire all of us with deep furry unibrows–that means we are serious, mean business, and are ready for the competitive corporate landscape.

Best part about being employed: Getting to live close to the Brooklyn Public House, counting down until it’s appropriate to leave the office

Worst part about being employed: Not having enough time to ever go to the Brooklyn Public House, getting a project just when you’ve finished said counting down

Heartfelt advice to your jobless friends who may have been freeloading off of you for months: Go to grad school before your brain rots!

If you would like to be featured in the weekly Why I Have a Job column or know someone who would, holla.

Hire My Friend: the english major who is actually wicked good at Excel

Every week, I bribe my friends to sell themselves on this blog.

Looking for patron.

Looking for a patron.

Name: Sam

Major: English

What I would have majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: English. I never really wanted to be employable.  The recession just helped out.

Why I decided to waste $160K on an Ivy League education: I think it was more than that…

Current City of Residence: Oh man… This is the hardest question on the test.  I actually don’t have a residence right now. [Editor’s note: Sam is not homeless. Last I heard, he has embarked on a colossal road trip!]
Ideal City of Residence: New York
Current job: Writing cover letters.
Dream job: I would love to have a patron.
Resume claim to fame: I’m actually wicked good at Excel unlike all you goddamn liars.
Greatest achievement I don’t like to talk about on interviews: I once was ranked the 37th best Tetris player in New York City.
If you would like to be Sam’s patron, send us a pleading email.
If you would like to be featured in the weekly Hire My Friend column or know someone who would, holla.

Why I Have a Job: the math major who can afford to have his own bathroom

This is the face that inspires 14-year-olds everywhere to hug those parabolas.

This is the face that inspires 14-year-olds everywhere to hug those parabolas.

Every week, I coerce employed friends into giving job advice.

Name:  Mitch

Major:  Economics-Math

What I do all day:  I teach math to 9th graders, and they teach me about E-40.  It’s a pretty sweet deal.
What I would rather be doing all day:  Sitting in a cushy chair in the library, reading the great works of dead white people, like I did back in college.  I really had no idea how good I had it.  Being a first-year teacher in an urban school makes grad school sound like Club Med.
Where I found this job: One of the organizations that recruits teachers from non-education disciplines took me on.  The recruitment process was basically a cross between a college application and a normal series of job interviews.

Hire My Friend: the film studies major who absolutely lives for quality customer service

Every week, I bribe my friends to sell themselves on this blog.
This is the tear of the unemployed.

This is the tear of the unemployed.

Name: David

Major: Film Studies. If you ever found yourself questioning how other people could possibly be sleeping and relaxed during finals… I was the answer.

What I would have majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: Unfortunately, I’m one of those twisted people who knows exactly what they want to do in life, and no psychic epiphany could have lead me down another academic path.

Why I decided to waste $160K on an Ivy League education: Because I had $160K in my pocket (I was going through a parachute pants phase, at the time), and it was either I buy myself an Ivy League education or a LOT of pairs of parachute pants. I’m still questioning the decision.

Continue reading

Maybe this is why no one is hiring our elitist asses

"So what's your SAT score?"

"So...what's your SAT score?"

The New York Times ran a groundbreaking feature yesterday that goes something like this: because four years at an Ivy League institution is not enough time to find the perfect life mate,  a networking group has been created to give you a second chance at prestigious love.

Now let it be said that name-dropping Foucault while drunk is practically etched in Latin on our diplomas.  And who hasn’t tried to come on to someone with a slurred reference to Keates?

Jennifer Wilde Anderson clearly tapped into something special when she founded Ivy Plus so that alums can mingle at cocktail soirees – in which “75 percent of attendees are single.”

While this may sound like every mother’s greatest dream, no one is checking transcripts. Other well-regarded institutions, like Stanford, Duke, MIT, are welcome too because they have “a ‘natural affiliation’ with the Ivies” – hence the Plus in the title.

“If you wanted to describe these schools, these are all highly selective, academically rigorous institutions,” Anderson told the NYT.

Of course. Because, after all, who would ever want to mate with anyone but a highly selective and academically rigorous human being? [Shudder].

Hire My Friend: the english major who prefers Plato to Paralegal

Introducing a new weekly column in which I bribe my friends to sell themselves on this blog.

"But what is the cave allegory about anyway?"

"But what is the cave allegory about anyway?"

Name: Ian

Major: English and comparative literature (with honors… which makes the situation somehow more pathetic).

What I would have majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: Alchemy.
Why I decided to waste $160K on an Ivy League education: Social climbing and financial aid.
Current City of Residence: For the next two weeks, Brooklyn.
Ideal City of Residence: For the subsequent seven months, Seattle.
Current job: Triple threat: freelance essay editor/aspiring tutor/overeager applicant to Ph.D. programs in English.
Dream job: “And seek for truth in the groves of Academe.” -Horace, Epistles bk. 2, no. 2, l. 45
Resume claim to fame: I quit a paralegal job after a month, despite everything, so my situation is of my own making. (And I’ve learned that impulsive idealism only works out in Nora Ephron movies.)
Greatest achievement I don’t like to talk about in interviews: Being the first to fill out this survey. It’s sort of like that song by Morrissey.
If you would like to hire Ian, send us a pleading email.
If you would like to be featured in the weekly Hire My Friend column or know someone who would, holla.