Why I Have A Job(s): the phi beta kapa who speaks in tween

cute girls of the ivy league

A wide-mouthed arch is usually the first step in learning how to talk like a 12-year-old.

Name: Katie

Major: English and Comp Lit

What I do all day: Depends on the day; I coach girls’ basketball at a small private school, walk dogs, and tutor.

What I would rather be doing all day: Reading, traveling, basically being a student again.

Where I found this job: I’m trying an experiment where I only apply to things I find on Craigslist this year. So far, I’ve been pretty successful.

Why they hired me as opposed to hundreds of other overqualified Ivy league grads: For these particular jobs, it’s highly likely I was the only overqualified Ivy League grad to apply. Plus, I know the difference between zone defense and man-to-man.

Best part about being employed: Spending most of my days outdoors or in the gym and wearing sweatpants everywhere (actually, pretty much the same thing as being unemployed. . . ).

Worst part about being employed: Most of my conversations happen with dogs or 12-year-old girls — not to draw comparisons.

Heartfelt advice to your jobless friends who may have been freeloading off of you for months: There’s nothing wrong with working something that has absolutely no need for your diploma. This year has been a huge challenge and an even bigger adventure. It’s given me an entirely different perspective on what I want and where I’m headed.

If you would like to be featured in the weekly Why I Have a Job column or know someone who would, holla.

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Hire My Friend: the english major who is actually wicked good at Excel

Every week, I bribe my friends to sell themselves on this blog.

Looking for patron.

Looking for a patron.

Name: Sam

Major: English

What I would have majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: English. I never really wanted to be employable.  The recession just helped out.

Why I decided to waste $160K on an Ivy League education: I think it was more than that…

Current City of Residence: Oh man… This is the hardest question on the test.  I actually don’t have a residence right now. [Editor’s note: Sam is not homeless. Last I heard, he has embarked on a colossal road trip!]
Ideal City of Residence: New York
Current job: Writing cover letters.
Dream job: I would love to have a patron.
Resume claim to fame: I’m actually wicked good at Excel unlike all you goddamn liars.
Greatest achievement I don’t like to talk about on interviews: I once was ranked the 37th best Tetris player in New York City.
If you would like to be Sam’s patron, send us a pleading email.
If you would like to be featured in the weekly Hire My Friend column or know someone who would, holla.

“You should try to be a prostitute.”

-former high school friend.  (Fun fact: I was valedictorian!)

Good to know everyone is looking out. Though I’m not sure how I could spin my knowledge of Russian lit in the bedroom.

Oh wait.

Oh wait.

There's this.

And this.

And this.

I bet I could figure something out.

Still haven’t decided if I will aim for adulterous wife or promiscuous tween. Both, apparently, involve knees.

Hire My Friend: the english major who prefers Plato to Paralegal

Introducing a new weekly column in which I bribe my friends to sell themselves on this blog.

"But what is the cave allegory about anyway?"

"But what is the cave allegory about anyway?"

Name: Ian

Major: English and comparative literature (with honors… which makes the situation somehow more pathetic).

What I would have majored in 4 years ago had I known the economy was going to hell: Alchemy.
Why I decided to waste $160K on an Ivy League education: Social climbing and financial aid.
Current City of Residence: For the next two weeks, Brooklyn.
Ideal City of Residence: For the subsequent seven months, Seattle.
Current job: Triple threat: freelance essay editor/aspiring tutor/overeager applicant to Ph.D. programs in English.
Dream job: “And seek for truth in the groves of Academe.” -Horace, Epistles bk. 2, no. 2, l. 45
Resume claim to fame: I quit a paralegal job after a month, despite everything, so my situation is of my own making. (And I’ve learned that impulsive idealism only works out in Nora Ephron movies.)
Greatest achievement I don’t like to talk about in interviews: Being the first to fill out this survey. It’s sort of like that song by Morrissey.
If you would like to hire Ian, send us a pleading email.
If you would like to be featured in the weekly Hire My Friend column or know someone who would, holla.