How to get your career back: Lindsay Lohan’s 10 step plan!

1) Pose Half-Naked on a National Magazine Cover

2) Admit Your Prior Coke Dabblings

“I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done — to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, OK, ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.”

3) Stop Making Excuses

“I was irresponsible. And I’m not making excuses,” she said.

4) Then Blame Your Friends

Lindsay Lohan joins millions of unemployed — again

Is anyone really surprised her artsy nudy pics haven't shot her to newfound fame?

An open letter to Lindsay Lohan:

Look, I’ve made my fair share of digs against you, and really it stems from love, because before you became a crotch-flashing, drug-induced mess, you were kind of my teen actress idol — the pop star who wasn’t afraid to have curves, ignore the blonde-or-brunette binary, and be overtly sexual in a way that was refreshingly different from your bubblegum nemesis, Hilary Duff. Little did I know you would never be able to contain your sexuality and fame in a way that would ever be healthy…or allow you to keep a job!

So I’m taking matters into my own hands and writing you a completely useless public letter of concern. (Hey, at least I’m not storming your house with cops.)